HALT

Our stories come with some pieces you would rather forget. There is one person I can think of who I hope didn't tell her part of my story. Someone who had five minutes of my time thirty-five years ago and still I think about her.

It was during a very busy time of our ministry, it was one am, and we were tearing down PA equipment after a song fest Ralph and his group sang at. Ralph loved this stuff so often it was our equipment that got set up and us that ended up there at the end tearing it down.

Most nights, I was okay and got through it all pretty well.

 Have you ever seen the acronym for HALT? If you are Hungry, angry, lonely or tired... halt. Don't make any decisions or react to situations because these things disrupt your ability to react well. The night I met her I was all these things. Hungry, angry, lonely and tired.

I tucked my sleeping son in our truck and went to find my husband. I found him helping another group pack their things. This woman definitely needed the help and any other time I would have helped them too. But not this night.

This night I walked up to my husband, and I was not nice. I told him it was time to go and as the woman thanked him over and over, I barely spoke to her. Oh, I told her it was fine, as she tried to apologize, but it was dripping with ice and there was no love to be found in it. I was just angry and done.

I have wondered many times since then if she went away saying, "shew, he is a really nice guy, but his wife, not so much". Oh, maybe she never thought of me a minute after that, but you know what, that doesn't matter because every time I think, "if there was a minute you could take back what would it be", I go to that minute. Because she was one of Gods ministers and that person who met her is not the person, I want to be remembered as.

I have probably had many moments like this one, where I was short, unthoughtful or uncaring. I know I had some with my children who were with me every day (but I hope the good moments outweigh those). I know my husband and I pressed through some days that were full of frustration that neither of us could hide, but we always erased the slate at the end of the day or week (if it was a really bad time). We pastored a church, and I am sure I had moments during those years, probably many, but I loved these people, they were mine and we had relationship and love always won.

But this woman, I never saw her again. I never had a civil conversation with her. I never got to make amends or outlive or out love the rudeness. And still, it bothers me.

When I think about my story, she is always there. I still see her tired face as she was trying to load heavy things in her small car and how grateful she was for just one person who cared enough to help her and how I was so tired and angry that I didn't even care.

I learned a lesson that night. I learned it many more times after that, when you let the flesh sit on the throne of your life, there is nothing good that can come out of that. You will have reactions from your fallen man instead of actions from your new man.

We are all subject to them, being in this world, but not of it.

I didn't learn the acronym to HALT until many years later. But it has helped me so much to be aware of my emotions and feelings and by judging just these four things you can often see why you are feeling the way you are.

Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? If you are, please draw aside and evaluate and get better before you have a moment you will regret later.

It sounds crazy but sometimes food, rest, forgiveness and togetherness can fix a lot of what ails us. Maybe even keep us from having those moments we wish weren't part of our story.